the Alter

Coming back to America after 18 months in Montenegro. You may recall the state of my heart at that point as fighting for hope. Fighting to believe God's power and goodness is enough to not only transform Montenegro, but to win the battle of my own heart's grief and disappointment 

Upon returning for our second term, God has given me eyes to see His goodness. The purpose behind the fight.

My disappointment with God was born out of Pride. The Pain was directly from the rod of a loving father. 

God was not enough, I wanted MORE than His portion. I wanted results, movement, victory in the seen things.

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I have shared before Chronicles 28 was a specific word from the Lord about the direction of my ministry in Montenegro. It was about making a home a sanctuary, making sacred out of the mundane of washing little feet and doing dishes. Trusting God that the gospel would shine out from our home like a City on a Hill in a dark land, and that that would be ENOUGH. 

I spent the first term completely rejecting this word, his calling, these notions of rest, grace and abundance, and instead opted for the striving and struggle of the self righteous seen things. I wanted something that felt good, that looked amazing to the seeing eyes.

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When we got back to the states, exhausted from my efforts, repentant and in pain, wondering what it was all for. GOD was pulling me deeper into studying the first book of Chronicles to show me His Story.  

David did the same thing. BEFORE he built this HOME for the Sanctuary, He was gravely humbled... In Chapter 21 He decides to number his armies. He decides to bask in the Glory of Seen Strengths. He Numbers HIS OWN resources. 

This act is so putrid to God, The Lord decides to destroy the entire nation of Israel. 

GOD WILL KILL ANYTHING BUILT ON PRIDE.

HE WILL DESTROY ANY FALSE HOPE.

For our good. 

"that rod of correction which drives out the foolishness that is bound up in the heart, the foolishness of pride" (Henry James on Chronicles 21) The Pain of God's correction is so real, it is often difficult to walk in faith that it is for our good. To bless the name of the one who slays us.

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But the story doesn't end on death and correction...He is working for us an eternal weight of Glory, the forever story of promise and redemption. 

David Repents. He builds an alter of Humility. God decides to build his sanctuary on the place of the alter, on the place of HUMILITY and REPENTANCE. 

God was working the first term for my good, for His Kingdom.

Sacrifice is never build on our seen things. Our Bible degrees, our Ministry Goals, Our Visions statements, Our Armies, Our resources. 

Sacrifice is Built from Humility. 

Grace flows from Repentance. 

My first term was the foundation of humility and brokenness that God desires to build his Sanctuary.

Chronicles 21 was our first term, Chronicles 28 is the promise of the future. Henry James says this about David's heart change from Chapter 21 to 28...

"There is a great deal of difference between the frame of David’s spirit in the beginning of the former chapter and in the beginning of this. There, in the pride of his heart, he was numbering the people; here, in his humility, preparing for the service of God. Before there was corruption, but the well of living water in the soul, though it may be muddied, will work itself clear again, grace here has the victory."

God destroy my armies, Build Your temple.