My Vacation Needs a Vacation:

Needing grace even on (especially on) Vacation

In high school me and my best friends would always go to the Florida for spring break. We ate, whatever we wanted, went to the beach all day, laid around, came back to the condo, laid around some more! I was one hundred percent about me and my needs unless i was passing the tanning oil to Nicole Payne. I remember in those days I had a vague desire 'to get a quiet time done' on the beach, The week would end, and I had barely acknowledged that God existed.

Boy has vacation changed in the last 10 years.

I have to be honest with you. Talking about vacation is something missionaries hate doing. It is a huge point of insecurity to me who fancies herself international super Christian. Guess what? I need vacations. Not just that. I need them about 10 times more than I ever needed them in America. Guess what else. What would cost you a trillion dollars to do. Our family can do with about 200. because, well we already live in the most beautiful country in the world and their tends to be about a 50% immediate discount when you speak the local language. What's even more amazing is, more often than not, people just give us the money because they want to bless us. It's awesome, truly awesome. but I would trade it all to sit down with my sister for coffee or watch my sons play with their cousins for one hour. 

So just know. this might be hard for you to read. know this, it's much harder to write.

"life is hard, Vacations are so refreshing" = American Andrea.

"Life is freaking impossible, vacations are hard, we need them anyways"

 - Montenegrin Andrea

The other day I compared living overseas with treading water. When you are in your own culture, you are simply coasting (like in a boat) ALL. THE. TIME.  Your life is knowable and you can face challenges knowing your resources and expectations. When you live in a different culture it takes effort to do EVERYTHING. So instead of sitting in a boat, You are treading water. Sometimes you feel like your drowning, but that's not even the worst part,  The worst part is when you look around and you know YOU WILL NEVER GET a break. as long as I live here, life will be exhausting. I will be treading water forever. 

It is a feeling i never had in America. So it is hard to explain. I can relate it to the feeling you have as a mother of X number of kids and it's the middle of the night and you think that the kid needs will NEVER end. It's kind of like that. 

That being said, vacation can become one of those drowning moments. But Ironically enough, you need some variety, and drowning IS at least eventful...

 in America about every 2-3 weeks we are celebrating something: birthdays, Easter, Mothers day There is a rhythm already set up that we all dance to. It keeps our lives interesting and fun and our souls fed. When we moved to Montenegro and there was this LOOONNNGGG silence. We Wake up on Easter and it's no one Else's Easter in the whole county, do I wear a pretty dress? do we have a one family egg hunt? We wake up on Labor day, and we are not camping in a tent with out extended family. No Cakes. No fireworks. No Hobby Lobby busting with seasonal decor. NO NOTHING.No family, no cultural rituals,  NADA! it begins to wear on your soul. HARD. 

 We realized at some point we needed to start celebrating something or we would go insane.

 So the first year I studied Jewish celebrations, I saw the every culture has similar themes and rhythms of when they celebrate, so I took all that and boiled it down to a few celebrations,. Then, I appointed myself the Family Celebration Coordinator (aka 'mom') and committed to help our family celebrate Christ at the turning of the seasons. It has been a fun journey, where before was a 'oh I guess we are having an Easter egg hunt' is now: "What the heck does the resurrection really mean to our family?" Being more intentional about our family values is wonderfully exhausting.

but also...

It's hard. I have to practice it. I am tired, My tired is tired, I don't want to pack, I want to watch Gilmore Girls and do nothing. It's a discipline, it's not something we want, we NEED it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I used to sit in the North Georgia mountains and think "This is nice, I deserved break"

 Now I'm realizing when you stop thinking your deserve something, you can accept it as a gift

=

GOSPEL

So I planned the " Soren's Birthday/Rash Hashanah (Jewish New Year) Coming of fall) vacation. We had some previous experience of vacationing with little ones. Where normally I would GO CHEAP for like a week, with our family it works to GO LESS CHEAP for like 2 days. By the third day our kids start to wig anyways, and sitting in a dingy one bedroom hotel room while your kids take crazy 'no naps' is very close to a scene from Paradise Lost. So we find deals, then go big(ish) for 2 days. This time we went to one touristy place for one night with the castles and the pretend shopping (and tons of foreigners speaking ENGLISH) and then we went to a secluded small village on the water that is my absolute favorite place for one night. 

Foolproof right? how could this not be fun? We had a blast the first day. We even got to grill outside which was my 'nod' to camping. I LOVE camping, but it wasn't in the cards this time. It was my "hey camping, i still love and miss you, see you in 5 years meal'. it was FUN. 

               

*Sometimes 'mom hair' looks like a fancy wedding up-do.

sometimes.

We lounged at cafes as much as you can 'lounge' with three kids three and under. The locals showered our kids with tons of candy and kisses, they let (and encourage) my kid to STEAL ice cream cones, so he just keeps doing it. 

 *Track suits are standard issue dress code in Podgorica

That first night was a little 'we have 4 people sleeping in one room' kinda night. I was fighting a cold. I woke up the next morning and was soooo tired. Coffee... nothing, so I downed a cappuccino but could still feel my body slowly give way to exhaustion.

                  *We use instant coffee in eastern Europe, I used little baggies to make myself 'coffee packs' for the hotel.

 I thought I was so clever.

 By 10am I began to get a little foggy, the foggy turned to snappy, While Jesse played on a playground with the boys, I actually laid down on a park bench. Something you DO NOT DO in Montenegro. By the time we checking into our room in the second town I was delirious and the kids are acting insane because we are on day two and they were hyped up on candy and stolen ice-creme cones. This was our 'nice hotel' so we only had 1 room total. 

Candy Crazy kids at nap time + deliriously tired mommy +  one room = Disaster

Jesse tried to take Soren away to see if that would help the 2 year old and the baby sleep. That just left me alone in my moment of insanity with two screaming kids. I have never felt crazier in all my life. Honestly guys. I was in the most beautiful room in the universe, in the most beautiful town and the kids are screaming and all I can think about is jumping out the window because that would guarantee me SOME VERSION sleep. It's kind of funny, except it was not, I called Jesse and asked him to come back, knowing there was nothing he could do, nowhere he could take 3 kids by himself. I just knew I was delusional and couldn't be alone with the kids. 

Vacation = Emotional Breakdowns

I sat there on the bed, baby Logan looking at me and Xander calling and screaming "MOMMY MONMMYY MOMMMYY!' from the pack and play a few feet away as the magical Adriatic sun baked wind drift in from our sea view room. I was balling with my hands on my face, (I think Logan thought it was a new game of peek-a-boo.) I wept and cried out to God

 "Please have mercy, Please have mercy, I need a break, not because 'I deserve it', but because of your loving-kindness, I need you to bring beauty to today, I need Your Sabbath Rest."

So you have almost read two pages of my gibbering and we reach the point. My God is Jehovah Jireh. He provides. He make impossible situations lovely. 

We asked the front desk if there was any way we could have a room with a separate bedroom so we could get some sleep. We simply had to act in faith and trust God that he would provide what we needed. They upgraded us to the nicest room they had, and did not charge us a penny extra. When I say nice, I mean like James Bond movie nice. see for yourself...

first room: I soaked that bed in tears. 

 

The Upgrade : 2 Bedroom Suite!

 View from the living room

Private entrance with a private balcony

 View from our Balcony

 

 So yes.  you just read a story about how God gave people who don't 'earn' a living in Europe an EVEN BETTER vacation, because they needed it. I keep expecting His grace to end at some point (like at the point where we have a one bedroom sea view hotel) but his mercy ENDURES forever. He does not only respond to my neediness, but embracing my pathetic is the only true way to live and breath G-O-S-P-E-L.  Except your life as a gift. Call out to God in need, from a place of total humility and watch the miracles the unfold before your eyes. 

The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue and honor them. I will reward them with a long life and give them my salvation.” 
Psalm 90

and last. a quote from Derek Webb...
 "you’re never going to be truly filled with joy unless you truly know yourself for who you really are. And until you are a real sinner with a real Savior, you will be a hypothetical and theoretical sinner – and therefore, with a hypothetical and theoretical savior.
But if you can’t honestly put your finger on one sin you’ve committed all day because your view of sin has become nothing more than this cultural hiding game, then you’re not experiencing real joy. Because if all I can confess is a knowledge of how sin has affected me, but not any of my real sins – if I don’t really know that I’m sinful – then I don’t truly know, and I’m not truly encouraged by the fact that I’ve been saved. Because, saved from what? If I’m not really sinful then what’s the big deal? What’s the good news? It’s just news.
But if you know yourself as exposed by the cross, then I believe you will begin to experience true joy. Because you will not constantly be looking over your shoulder all the time – constantly checking the knots in this great suit of fig leaves that you’ve sewn for yourself. But rather, you will be comfortably exposed in your sin and boasting in your great Savior because he is real.
Charles Spurgeon once said, “If your sin is small then your Savior will be small also. But if your sin is great, then your Savior must be great.”